HORSE  FUN

The most wasted of all days is one  without laughter.  ~ E.E. Cummings

Updated  04/01/2018
"Classical" Method to Strictly Follow
when your Horse Bucks

1. Ensure that you have an audience. There is absolutely no point in being bucked off by your horse unless there are, oh say around a hundred people to watch. This way, you will make them better about their own inadequacies, and you won't have to go into tedious detail explaining to everyone exactly how it happened. It is considered good form if at least one of the audience members is either:
 a. Someone you admire and want to impress; or 
 b. Someone you have the hots for and want to impress; or 
 c. Your best friend who will have no compunction in falling over, laughing, and pointing.

2. Try to be spectacular.   I mean, anyone can just get bucked off and land on their backside, can't they? You want to try to make this "the buck to end all bucks."  The Titanic of bucks. You get the picture. Now for this you will need the following:   an extremely acrobatic horse (one of those twisty-turny jobbies last seen at the National Rodeo Championships); a supple back (you should practice somersaults, pirouettes and handstands at home); and a safety helmet (just in case).

3.  Become "the person who learned to fly".   It is best if your horse's buck comes at a time when everyone is watching you, yet not prepared for what is to come. During a dressage test your horse should be working nicely, giving no indication that you are about to become "the person who learned to fly." Of course, experts at this will point to the tail swishing, the ears twitching back, and the tension around the nostrils, but they are show-offs and should be ignored. To the uninitiated, this will look like a dramatic performance which you and your horse have practiced at home. 

4. Let out a blood-curdling yell.   When the horse leaves the ground, and launches you into the air like a cannon ball, it is far more gratifying for the crowd if you can let out a blood-curdling yell.  Practice this at home. When the local rangers knock on your door, asking if you are keeping a wild cougar in your back yard, you will know you have it right. 

5. Stay elevated in the air as long as possible.  If your arms and legs fly in impossible directions, as if you were a rag doll, you will achieve additional marks for artistic impression.

6.  Land with a Thud!   You know, the kind of dull thud kind that you hear when you drop a melon from a great height. Try not to go "splat".  It puts the audience off their hamburgers. 

7.  Lie immobile as your horse runs off.  After a suitable time, raise your head and groan to your horse, "Are you happy now?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Warmth Of A Horse
Author Unknown

 
When your day seems out of balance and so many things go wrong,
 When people fight around you and the clock drags on so long,
 When some folks act like children and fill you with remorse,
 Go out into your pasture and wrap your arms around your horse.

 His gentle breath enfolds you as he watches with those eyes,
 He may not have a PhD but he is, oh so wise!
His head rests on your shoulder you hug him good and tight,
 He puts your world in balance and makes it seem all right.
 
Your tears will soon stop flowing, the tension will be eased,
 The nonsense has been lifted.  You are quiet and at peace.
 So when you need some balance, From the stresses in your day,
 The therapy you really need, Is out there eating hay!
 

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